Branch Out!

They say that the holiday season is the busiest time of the year.  And I’d have to say, “they” whoever they are – are probably right.

For me, that was amplified by the purchase of a home and a second move in 2011. Throw in travel, birthdays and a family wide stomach flu over the last few months and you could certainly say I’ve had quite a lot of extra chaos going on. So it was really no surprise to me when I blew my top one day as the proverbial straw broke the camel’s back.

If you are breathing and have a pulse, then chances are, you’ve hit this melting point at least a few times in your life as well. Therefore, I’ve decided to share with you the beautiful reminders that I had in light of my recent melt-down.

Enjoy the article!

Like a precious metal, sometimes we must melt down in order to be molded into something beautiful. ~Michelle Weimer

Insights From My Recent Melt Down

I felt myself tense up and then with tightened chest, a sick stomach and a pounding headache, I finally let go…sobbing in my husband’s arms – cracking under the pressure of trying to keep it all together.

I went to a quiet room and I cried for a while. At first, of course there was the drama of it all – you know – the negative self talk about not being able to do it, can’t take it, blah, blah blah… and then came that strange sense of relief that starts to take over after you’ve gotten it out of your system. That quiet voice within that says, ”You can do this, everything is going to be alright, you are not alone.” The pressure was released and was replaced with a sense of warmth. I dried my tears and thought, “Well, I feel better. Should have done that a long time ago!”

You see it was then that I realize I had finally quit resisting the feelings I was having and let them be. When I allowed myself to feel them is when I was actually able to move past them.

It was at that very moment, as I experienced the flooding sense of relief and peace, that I decided to write about my little melt-down. Not only to remind you know that it’s okay to let go. But more importantly, to let you know that sometimes it’s just what you need. And with that, I share with you my insights that came from allowing myself to let go… All things I already knew but having a mini meltdown always gives a good reminder.

1. A good cry once in a while does the body good.
2. Expectations will usually bite you in the butt. Setting intentions for how you want to show up in any given situation is always a better way to be.
3. You can’t do everything. And sometimes being instead of doing IS the best thing you can do.
4. How you choose to look at things – your perspective – makes all the difference in the world. And that perspective will change if you change the words you speak to yourself.
5. It’s okay to feel the feelings. Stop resisting them. Allowing yourself to feel the feelings is actually the key to getting past them. In other words – Have your pity party, get it out of your system and move on.

And last of all…I want to leave you with this final bit of insight…(No, it’s not that which doesn’t kill you will make you stronger.) It’s about clarity – the clear and loud message that came to me when I finally got the noise out of my head and listened. That message, “Our blessings become clear when we choose to focus on them.”

So my friend, remember this – When things heat up and you melt down, the only thing left to do is mold yourself into something beautiful. ;)

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I hope this article was helpful and will serve as a reminder that it’s okay to feel the emotions you are struggling with. That which you resist – will persist. So it is only in allowing yourself to feel them that you will be able to move past them.

Also know that when you get caught up in overwhelm, it’s usually because you’ve created unrealistic expectations for yourself and/or others. By shifting from expectations and attachment to the outcome of something, to setting an intention for how you want to show up in the world, you free yourself from that horrible struggle with control.

More on that another time!

For now, it’s your turn…Please share your thoughts, your own insights or any other comments below.

What is your life story?

A mystery, a fairy tale, a drama, a love story, fiction or fact? Most importantly…Is it holding you back?

I repeatedly hear “stories” from my clients (and others) about why they are like they are and why it has kept them stuck. They refer to all this as the “reasons” why they are like they are or why they haven’t made changes. But basically, what they really are – are the excuses that they’ve become comfortable with so that they don’t have to step out of their box and change.

So I ask you:

Do you often find yourself saying things like, “Oh that’s just the way I am.”  “That’s how I was raised.”  “My parents were this way, therefore, I’m…”

Do you find yourself launching into a big “story” when something doesn’t work out for you. A story filled with all the reasons why, inadvertently putting blame on this person or that situation from your past. If you are, then my friend, it is time to change your story! 

Start with this – sit down and briefly write your life story. When you are finished, read it over and look for themes. Identify any significant occurrences (good or bad) that you believe might have had an influence on who you are today in a positive or negative way. Is there anything you left out? Anything you want to add? Title your story. THEN –  make the decision, right then and there, that the story of your past will no longer dictate the story that is yet to be written. The old story is history… the new story begins now. On a blank page, write the title of the next chapter. What do you want it to be? Who do you want to be? How will your story shift? You are the author, you have the power to write whatever you choose! And yes, it is okay to make a mistake, erase and start over.  Just remember, your past may have influenced who you are, but it does not have to control you or keep you from being who you want to become.

Here’s to happy endings! Now write your new story…

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If you’d like to know more about how I can help you live the next chapter of your story or receive a free template that can get you started on the activity of writing your story, Click HERE to contact me today.

Now that, January is officially over, I just have one question for you. How are those New Year’s resolutions coming? You know – all the things you promised yourself you’d change this year… Statistics show that by mid to late January, more then 80% of us are back doing and being exactly who we were just a few short weeks ago.

But, it doesn’t have to be that way. This year can be a year of real change. I’m not talking about just saying you are going to make some changes, I’m talking about taking action and really changing.  So what are some key steps to making positive changes?

Awareness:  In order to really change your life, you must become aware! Aware of what’s going on in your life right now that you aren’t satisfied with, aware of what you are doing to sabotage yourself (in other words what got you here and what will keep you here) and aware of what you really want in your life.  

Define Your Values: If you aren’t clear about what you want, how do you expect to get it?  Defining your values is the best way to become clear on what it is you really want. This will be the foundation for which you base your desires for change on. If it fits in with your value system, you will be much more likely to follow through.

Decide On Resolutions: Once you’ve aligned your desires with your values, decide what you will change based on what you identified as important to you. Make your resolutions specific, measurable, and relevant to your desired outcome. This will help you take action and get them accomplished in no time.

Take Action: Resolutions are most often actions we declare. The problem is, many people either don’t actually take action or they don’t take the right actions. Saying you want to change is great but you must take decisive action to really make it happen.

Get Support:  Making changes can sometimes be difficult, especially if you are trying to do it on your own. Having someone you can share your goals with and who can not only support you but hold you accountable, is an extremely powerful way to boost your success. 

I want to invite you now, to share your resolutions, your successes and your struggles here in the comment section.  Or, become a member of my Tuff Chicks Group on Facebook so you can connect with others who have similar interests or share your goals. It’s a great way to get extra support. 

***And if you’d really like to boost your results…plan to join me later this month for a free call, where I’ll be revealing some common pitfalls that cause us to fall short of reaching our goals, which with awareness and some small shifts, can be easily avoided so you can create successful changes in your life. Look for details about the call to be coming soon!

(Not actually a subscriber to my newsletter or the blog? Subscribe now so you don’t miss anything and get my Transformational Change Starter Kit free as my gift to you!) 

So, here you are. You’ve found your way to my blog. If you are brand new, then welcome. If you’ve been a subscriber to my newsletter or a follower of my blog before, then I say, welcome to change!

Here I will not only be sharing my tips and strategies for success with you, but I will be sharing more of my opinions, personal thoughts and ideas.  I have decided that it is time to do what I always tell my clients to do. Be myself. Not be afraid to share with the world who you truly are. So, for better or worse, I’m going to be peeling back the layers of “professionalism” and sharing with you what my heart and soul really think.  For some of you, that might be enough to make you opt-out right now. But for others, you might be thinking “It’s about time.”  Either way, I know that those of you who read on are meant to be connected to me. I know that you’ll stay and read because you feel that connection that transcends understanding but somehow offers a sense of relief and security in knowing that there are others out there who understand you and can not only relate but can share insight on how to overcome life’s fears and obstacles while triumphantly transforming into the person you’ve always known lies within.

So let me know what you think… By reading my articles here on the blog, it will give you a chance to be more interactive. Please feel free to weigh in by making comments and sharing your thoughts or ideas. 

Oh, and if you have a certain topic you’d like me to cover, let me know here. I’m looking forward to sharing the journey with you.

I was recently asked to speak at a women’s group but when they told me the topic they were hoping I’d speak on, I wasn’t sure I really wanted to do it. They wanted me to speak about holiday planning and give tips on how to keep from getting stressed and overwhelmed. Something tugged at me inside when they told me the topic, but I agreed to speak anyway. Then as I started preparing for the presentation and writing up the little tips on organization and time management that I often use with clients, I realized why this topic was nagging at me so much.

I kept getting stuck on the idea that the only reason we get so stressed during the holidays is that we place these crazy, unrealistic expectations on ourselves during this time of year. Instead of staying focused on what is really important to us, we get caught up in the glitz and glamour of entertaining, gifts, etc. Which are all great – if you really want to do them, but if you are only doing those things because you think you should, then that is where the stress starts to come into play.

So let me summarize for you what I told that group the day I spoke to them:

This holiday season, I urge you to step back from the pressures and expectation to go to every holiday party there is, buy gifts for every person you know and perform like Martha Stewart. Instead, focus on what is really important to you this holiday season. Is it family, friends or just spending quality time with a few loved ones? Your house doesn’t have to be decorated to the hilt with a spread of food on your table that looks like it just came out of a Norman Rockwell painting. (Heck, go to MyDiningSpot.com and check out the amazing restaurants listed there, and pick one to indulge at this year for at least one gathering so that you can relax and spend time with loved ones without being so exhausted that you can’t even enjoy it.)

In other words, the biggest tip I have for successful, stress free holiday planning (and lifelong living, for that matter):

Let go of the expectations that get thrown upon us by external forces and set an intention for this holiday season based on what is really important to you. For me: family, faith, true friends, peace, health, love and joy.

Happy Holidays!

Recently I changed the name of my Facebook group from “Tough Chicks” to “Tuff Chicks.” Seems like no big deal really. But to me, it makes all the difference in the world. And I want to explain why…

You see, I realized some time ago that being tough isn’t really all it’s cracked up to be. If you look up the word “tough” in the dictionary, you see things like: not tender, difficult, stubborn, hard, hardened, troublesome, rough, vicious, inflexible, etc. There are some good words in there, like strong and durable, but for the most part, the definitions were negative. 

That’s when it hit me; I had to change the name. No longer does the idea of being tough serve me, my clients or most anyone. Thinking I had to be “tough” was a story I carried with me from my past, and like most stories from the past, it really wasn’t serving who I am now or who I want to be. (Not to mention that using negative words in our lives lead to manifesting negative things.)

So I started playing with ideas. I looked up the word “tuff.” And guess what? A tuff, is a relatively soft, porous rock that is usually formed by the compaction of volcanic ash or dust. I kind of liked this idea. We are all formed by the bits and pieces of our lives that make us a whole; our families, our experiences, our education, our faith, etc. It’s these pieces that compact together to create who we are. As Gestalt would say, “the whole is greater then the sum of its parts.” And a soft, porous rock… the words soft and rock seem like a contradiction. But that’s the beauty of the idea. We can be solid, full of strength, powerful and yet, we can be soft, even vulnerable at times, and open to what is around us.

But, I was still not satisfied. There’s so much more to each of us. I really wanted to turn the word “Tuff” into an acronym for words that represent who we are. So I challenged the group to come up with ideas. And they came through with some amazing ideas. But in the end, I couldn’t choose just four words because what I realized in the process; was that who we are and what is important to us, is different to each of us. It’s not about living up to someone else’s idea of what you should be. It’s so easy to get caught up in what I call the “Superwoman Syndrome.” Thinking you have to do it all, be it all and have it all. The thing is; you can be, do and have all you want; if you get clear about what that really means to YOU – not someone else. It’s not up to the rest of the world to decide what you value, it’s your choice.

So with that realization, I encouraged each member of the group, to use their own words for TUFF. And now I want to challenge you; take some time to identify with your own set of words. You don’t have to use an acronym, just make a list, knowing that whatever words you chose are yours alone, to define the person you are and the person you want to be.

 “Vision without action is a dream. Action without vision is simply passing the time. Action with Vision is making a positive difference.”                                                              ~Joel Barker

Do you daydream about what you want in your life? Beyond visions of sugar plums dancing in our heads, our visions of how we’d like our lives to be can become more then just a dream, they can become our reality. And vision boards are a great tool to help you create that reality.

I recently encouraged the members of my Tuff Chick’s group on FaceBook to discuss the topic of Vision Boards. I know vision boards have been around for a long time, but many people either don’t use them correctly or they don’t have one at all. So I thought I’d use this blog post to give you a basic “Vision Boards 101” lesson. And I’d like to challenge you, if you don’t have one, to create one.

Vision boards are an excellent way to bring clarity, stay focused on what you want and keep yourself inspired to work towards those things, even if obstacles arise. So, where do you start? Well, you must start with the most important part… you need to know what you want. It’s time to decide which of those daydreams you want to become a reality in your life. Once you find certain clarity around these desires, set specific intentions for your life based on these desires. Then:

1.) Get a board (I made one by framing cork board.)

2.) Put it in a place that you see regularly. This is a key point because you want a constant reminder. (Mine is in my office because I am in there more the any other room.)

3.) Find pictures, words, etc. that signify what it is you want.

4.) And every day, look it over, setting the positive intentions for your actions towards your desires.  This “action” is another key piece! A new car isn’t just going to show up in one’s garage, but the opportunities will, and it is up to the individual to act on them.  The vision board keeps you inspired to do that. But you do have to take action.

5.) Then continue each day, setting small goals that are attainable on the short term to work towards your vision.  Before you know it, you’ll have that new career, be living where you want and be a happy, healthy being with overflowing abundance and love in your life.

Please comment and let me know what’s on your vision board. Keep me posted on how it goes! And if you need help getting clarity around those intentions or creating the attainable steps to get there, please let me know. I’d be happy to help. Also, if you are more tech savvy and would prefer to create your vision board on your computer, check out: www.visionboardsite.com.

Autumn is Approaching ~ Take Rest

Take Rest – A field that has rested gives a bountiful crop. ~ Ovid

As autumn is approaching it is a time to remember that all good things need rest and regeneration.  The earth must do this in order to have a bountiful crop the next year.  If it never rested, then eventually it would wear out.  Does that sound like you?  Pushing to the limit and never resting then wondering why you are not productive.  Maybe taking some time to regenerate would prove to be fruitful for you. 

I haven’t always viewed the fall season in such a forward focused way.  I actually spent most of my life with a much different perspective.  I always hated that I was born in the fall.  The leaves were falling off the trees, grass was dying and the earth seemed to be shedding its beauty.  Then my perspective began to change.  I started to see the fall as a perfect time to let go of the things I had been carrying with me.  I could slough off what was weighing me down and look for rest in order to regenerate a new beginning.  It is amazing how when you take time for yourself, you can find more time and energy to be productive in other areas of your life.   

Often when we struggle with disappointments in life, we come to a point that in order to move on, we have to let go.  We have to let the old thoughts or disappointments go in order to generate a new future for ourselves.    

So whether you’re thinking you need to change old habits and start fresh or let go of life’s disappointments, don’t wait for a new year to resolve to change.  I challenge you to use this autumn season to lose the old habits and start anew, to let go of old hurts and disappointments and create a new future for yourself.  Get rid of what’s causing your inner “plant” to die and get prepared for a new season of hopes to come.  Take rest and be ready to be even more bountiful then you might have imagined!

Well, summer is officially here!  My family is home for summer vacation and we are busy planting, swimming, playing, loving and working.  In other words, we are enjoying life.  

Although a couple of weeks ago, we had a different story.  We received some news that something we were really hoping for was not going to happen.  We were disappointed to say the least.  We felt let down and defeated.  It would have been easy for us to sink into a slump of despair and depression but unlike disappointments we had faced in the past, we chose to handle this disappointment differently.   Instead of choosing to stay there; wallowing in our own self pity and asking why, we went through a process that I want to share with you today.  We set into motion a series of steps that have pushed us past that disappointment and on to making the most of the life we have while we work towards the life we want.  

It’s too easy to put life off. Thinking that you’ll be happy when you get out of debt, find true love, get the job of your dreams, make it big, etc., etc. But the reality is, if you don’t bloom where you’re planted right now, not only will you miss out on a world of happiness and joy, but you will not be living or welcoming the opportunities that will actually propel you to that future faster and with greater ease.

Something not working out like you’ve planned is not a failure, it’s an opportunity.  An opportunity to learn, to grow, to see what is unfolding before you and to take the next risk. It’s a chance to live.  And with that thought, here are the seven essential steps to overcoming and growing from disappointment.  Take these steps the next time you are faced with disappointment and you’ll feel your life propel forward. 

1. Allow yourself to feel the pain.  Allow yourself to grieve, to cry, and to be angry.  In short, allow yourself to feel.  It’s okay and it’s actually a necessary part of the process.  Pretending it doesn’t bother you would not be being true to yourself and would not be healthy.  Yes grieving may seem like a harsh word, but in reality, even though your disappointment may not necessarily be the loss of a loved one, it is a loss.  Maybe the loss of a dream, a hope for the future, a job, an opportunity, a friend, a love… whatever.  Allow yourself to grieve the loss.
2. Ask for guidance.  In other words, pray or meditate.  Whether you call it God, Spirit, the Universe, whatever; ask for guidance from that higher source.  If we ask to be shown the way, to be guided to what’s right and best for us, then trust that that is exactly what we will be given, then no matter what comes, we can rest assured that it is the right thing.  Even if we don’t see it…it is.
3. Show gratitude.  It may sound like the last thing you want to do at a time of loss or disappointment, but showing gratitude for the things you do have will not only take your focus off the things you don’t have, but will renew your spirit faster then any other action you can take.  Not to mention, show the world that you’re ready for more to be grateful for.  
4. Ask for help.  (This is a hard step for me.)  I don’t like to ask for help but I am learning that not asking for help doesn’t mean you’re strong and can handle it all.  Actually, it takes a very strong person to ask for help.  And to allow others into your life to help.  So ask for help…its okay.
5. Refocus by letting go of the attachments to expectations or outcomes that you have created and allow yourself to set new intentions on what is to come. 
6. Create a plan or goals – from those intentions you have set.  Then identify the steps you need to take to make that plan come to pass.
7. Take action on those steps and get moving in a positive direction again.  Life is a series of choices, and you can choose to focus on the door that has been closed in front of you or you can choose to look for the new door that has been opened and take action to walk through it. 

 We may not know the reason that what we wanted did not come to pass, but we can rest assured that if we trust that it is because something greater is coming our way and use the challenge as an opportunity, to learn what that is, then I’m certain that good will undoubtedly come our way.  Time to Grow!